27 Things That Have Definitely Happened To You If You're A Dedicated Fake Tanner

Thursday, May 28, 2015


For us dedicated fake-tanners out there, fake tan is our best friend and something that we could never live without. And here are 27 things that have definitely happened to you if you're a dedicated fake tanner...

1. People have actually began to question your ethnicity

2. You've actually began to question your own ethnicity

3. You've been called orange more times than you can count

4. Whenever you don't have fake tan on (which is like never) everyone always asks if you're ill

5. Being pale is just something you can't comprehend

6. You have no choice but to have black bed sheets otherwise your mum will go berserk that you've turned all her white bed sheets "orange"

7. The insides of your white clothes don't stay white for very long

8. You're even sometimes too scared to hug someone in a white top in case you leave a mark behind

9. You've tried every fake tan known to man - yeah even Primark's own

10. When you start going patchy you have no choice but to scrub it all off and start again

11. Or go out in trousers and a turtle neck in the middle of summer

12. Otherwise you will look like you have some form of skin disease

13. You probably have an array of foundations to match every skin tone you can be

14. Waking up in the morning and realising you've missed a patch and wondering what you've done wrong in life to deserve this

15. You can't help but compare your arm to your palest friends arm

16. Most of your wages goes on fake tan, fake tan mitts, fake tan remover, fake tan exfoliants, just everything to do with fake tan

17. To you, fake tanning is almost like a full-time job

18. You spend at least 30 minutes walking around your room naked like a robot waiting for your tan to dry

19. You know too well that fake tan and rain really don't go well together

20. You can't imagine life being pale

21. You've been through the smelling like a mixture of biscuits and piss phase

22. You've had at least one family member think they're a total joker and say something like "I think you've been tangoed" or "Where have you been? The Bahamas?!" - oh the banter

23. You've forgotten to moisturise dry patches never had any bigger life regrets

24. Sometimes you even forget what it's like being pale - how do people cope?!

25. You admit that you've had one or two (okay maybe more) fake tan disasters

26. But you've always learnt from your mistakes

27. And you're now a beautiful tanned goddess


Oh fake tan, where would we be without you <3

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